Another beginning

23 Monday Jan 2012

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I love new years. I love the freshness of it, the potential of it. After a good, restful break over Christmas – which I’ve been getting the last several years since I’ve been with the Boy, since we then to just rest, sleep, and have lots of food at his parents’ house over the Christmas period – I feel re-energised, and ready and excited to tackle new projects.

I’m not quite sure if it’s the element of rest.. that is feeling re-energised after a Christmas break, or if it’s the element of symbolism.. the idea of new beginnings, that buoys me up each new year. Or perhaps particularly this year.

Even though there’s still a lot of uncertainty in my life (over my job, the Boy’s job search, the Company, medium term outlook for the UK economy, and consequently our life, lifestyle, and travel plans), undertaking my own little mini ‘projects’ keeps me occupied and amused, and I’m finding that I’m reasonably cheerful in spite of the grey skies. I’m taking up French classes again this year – I’ve decided to drop a level so I’m less stressed about holding the rest of my class (who are more diligent and advanced then me!) back; I’m hoping to pass my practical driving exam (automatic) by the end of the month – fingers crossed; I’m taking up absolute  beginner’s ballet, which is surprisingly hard work, but I find the discipline quite relaxing; I’m organising some get-togethers at our place – I realise that I kind of like ‘entertaining’, in the sense of having a small group of friends over to have dinner and hang out in a more intimate setting, although the work it involves is exhausting (cleaning up before, cooking, then washing up after); and I’m trying to play match-maker (again), with hopefully better success this year!

For now, I’m optimistic and hoping for a great 2012, and the year of the Dragon.

2012 resolutions

03 Tuesday Jan 2012

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I’ve put together a long list of resolutions this year, in the hope I’ll manage to complete at least one, given my dismal failure last year to achieve my one single resolution for 2011 (to pass my L5 pole course). So this year I’m including several cheats, such as #4 on the Pole list (should hopefully easy given I’ve been working at this all of last year. But you never know, given how much strength I’ve lost), and #2 on the Other list, which the Boy and I had previously discussed and is already on the Boy’s to-do for a weekend trip for 2012. Hopefully, this is a fail-proof way of boosting my ego and not feeling like a complete failure at the end of this year ;p. I’m cheating I know… but I have a full-time job and know my own weaknesses (e.g. procrastination), but still need little wins to cheer me up in life.

Pole-Resolutions:
1)    Achieve front / back splits on both sides
2)    Make significant progress on middle / straddle splits (target: by the end of 2012, achieve at least 50% of the difference between a full split and the split achieved at the beginning of the year)
3)    Perform a pole routine at least once (preferably in a showcase, otherwise for a group of friends)
4)    Pass L5 during the year
5)    Choreograph a pole routine
6)    Video-record at least 10 pole sessions / free-styles / routines during the year
7)    Bonus: pass L6 before the year end
8)    Target: monthly lists of things to work on

Other-Resolutions:
1)    Grow my nails (yep, again!)
2)    Go on a bike-trip or long bike ride
3)    Dive!

2011 review

03 Tuesday Jan 2012

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So I think 2011 has shaped up to be a pretty slow year in terms of achievements, *sigh*… but hopefully the page will fill up with help from the Boy – and he has definitely contributed to one of my key highlights / achievements of the year (see item #1)

Achievements / highlights of the year:

1) Bungee-jumped! (16 July) : the Boy bought me a bungee-jumping experience (€65 at Viaduc de Recoumene, France, run by CapLiberty), from a bridge of 65.6 metres. So yay, I’ve ticked off another thing on my list of things to do before I die – and for an item that I had mentally written off too – I didn’t think I would ever gather the courage to try bungee jumping given my fear of heights. It’s a shame I don’t have any photos or videos of my scary, difficult and absurd experience.

To summarise, the Boy didn’t tell me we were going bungee jumping, he just told me that we were going to stop somewhere enroute from Lyon to our dinner in Laguiole. So I happily had a three-piece chicken meal at KFC at around noon, and he told me the plan a mere 20 minutes before the 2pm jump appointment. To make matters worse, I was the only one jumping – it wasn’t a couples jump, and he wasn’t jumping – I was on my own. I was really stressed and wanted to back out, but being a traditional third world girl that I am, I didn’t want to write off the €65, and he refused to jump in my stead (later on, after I had jumped, the Boy told me that if I had completely refused to jump, he would have jumped instead of wasting the fee). And besides, I knew that this was my only chance of actually ticking the bungee jump off my list – I feel myself getting more risk-averse and scaredy-cat as I grow older. I was attacked by a severe case of nerves and needed to use the loo (to poop), and drink water as my throat was parched, but this dinky little bungee-jumping outfit was in the middle of nowhere and they neither had toilets nor sold any food or drink. I had to do my business in the woods on one end of the bridge(!!), then ask for water from the CapLiberty guy at the ticket stand. I waited for almost 2 hours and countless people to jump before me while trying to drum up the courage to jump. Finally I was fitted with the relevant gear and brought to the edge of the bridge. I kept holding on to the Boy’s hand, and refused to let him go. He took his hand away because he was afraid that in my fear, I would just jump while still holding on to him. It was terrifying. But in any event, I eventually jumped – but not quite the way I was meant to: eyes on the horizon, feet together, jumping forward and outwards, arms spread and chest expand like an eagle (“comme un aigle”) the guy said – more like a falling frog, the Boy told me, not really jumping forward much and with my legs and arms slightly bent and spread. But at least I wasn’t the worst – the worst was a guy who looked down right before he jumped (never look down, the guy said, keep your eyes on the horizon, on the hills at the other hand) and fell off like a stone. The guy said that we leave the fear behind on the bridge, once we’ve jumped, it’s all joy and the sensation of flying. Me, I was disoriented and confused by the spinning sesnsation and the upside down trees and the river-sky, and by the time I decided to relax and enjoy the feeling of flying (it was great), I was tugged back in the other direction and was disoriented again. Nonetheless, I was exhilarated that I had done it, a thing that I thought I would never end up doing in this life, and survived. Once I got back on my feet, I was so excited to share with the Boy, that I didn’t stay to watch the others jump (I wish I did), and started running up the forested hill to meet the Boy. I was out of breath, with a dry mouth when recounting my experience to the Boy, that I started heaving and throwing up. Yep, very glamourous indeed.

So there’s the scary, difficult and absurd experience in a nutshell: pooping in the forest, begging water off a stranger, and vomitting on a hill. Immediately after the experience, while still on my adrenaline high, I thought that I could do it again, and would like to do it again, with the Boy this time. Now, just recalling the day and event again… I don’t think I could go through with it another time. The Boy said that the other jumpers / spectators on the bridge were very impressed with me. They thought I was very courageous to have jumped – they didn’t think I would end up doing it. I guess the courage was in overcoming the fear. And my fear was very big indeed. Brownie point and a pat on the back for me. ;p

2) Visited the Stans – Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Krygyzstan (23 April – 8 May): all new countries for me, and a really interesting experience, although I found it quite difficult / challenging during the trip, with the taxi drivers constantly trying to rip you off, the borders closing randomly etc. I need to learn to be less of a control freak when travelling in difficult / unstable environments or countries.

3) Tried belly dancing and even performed in a school showcase (3 July): I’ve been meaning to try belly dancing since my old secondary school days, so it’s great that I’ve finally tried it. And I even performed in the school showcase – not an achievement in the sense that you don’t to be GOOD to do it, you just have to dare or want to do it, and this was a group performance – but it was an achievement for me in that I actually dared do it, bare belly and all… I’ve only danced ‘on stage’ twice in my life – once as a 6-year old in a kindergarden performance, and once as a 13-year old in an ASEAN performance to ‘here comes the hotstepper’. Anyway, I think it’s important to actually perform to really consolidate the knowledge and training. At least for me, the performance really made me focus on practising the routine choreography so I don’t look (too) silly.

4) Ate at several 3-star restos: Sant Pau (3 June), El Celler de Can Roca (4 June), Michel Bras (16 July)

5) Hosted sit-down dinners at our little flat for the first time: raclette dinner (29 January) – easy peasy, no fuss raclette dinner for a party of 6; faux ‘fine-dining’ dinner (12 June) – the Boy suggested a ‘fine dining’ dinner, but it ended up kind of average dining dinner for a party of 6…with me struggling with 4 dishes: a couple of nyonya dishes from first principles (curry capitan chicken, assam prawns), Percy’s recipe of Vietnamese lemongrass chicken, and my easy-win century egg tofy, and the Boy bailing me out by cooking a steamed egg, kangkung belacan, and the rice. It was a poor way to return P’s delicious and technically impressive dinners. But it’s a start. Maybe better in 2012…

6) Completed a 45-mile Palace-to-Palace ride - Buckingham Palace to Windsor Castle (18 September): It was more difficult than I had expected it to be beforehand, and I was very happy that I finished it in quite a decent time, even though one of my colleagues managed to finish it 20 minutes ahead of me despite suffering a puncture and having had to walk it for more than 2 miles… oops ;p

7) Attended the 2011 World Pole Dance championships in Budapest (1 October): unfortunately Felix Cane wasn’t there because of her accident / injury. It doesn’t feel right, not having Felix there – I really wanted to watch her perform live and breathe the same air as her (*swoons*). But at least I saw Jenyne Butterfly in the flesh!

’8) Had some friends over to stay / visit - XM/KF (4-5, 9-10, 21-23 June), YF/Mak (26 July – 2 August): it always feels good to spend time with old friends, especially in a kind of ‘normal’, day-to-day way, over several days.

9) Survived having my parents over for a month (!!) (11 August – 11 September): moral of the story – never again, at least not for such a long time! we spent a week in France, which they enjoyed, although they missed Chinese food and we had to eat crappy Chinese food including buffet food. I’m glad they really enjoyed several experiences during the trip, some to be expected – a helicopter ride around the Mont Blanc mountain ranges (bank-breaking!!), a cable car ride up to L’Aiguille de Midi (it was the first time my dad could see and touch so much snow), others less so – picking berries by the countryside (free! and not even on the plan. the plan was for a walk in the forest – my mom and dad just ended up stopping every time their eagle eyes spotted berries and they would pick them and eat them), and picking mushrooms (although it wasn’t a great success because there weren’t much mushrooms and it started raining soon after so we had to stop, nonetheless, my parents liked looking for them).

10) Discovered some good, interesting and/or hyped new restaurants both in London (Dinner, Pollen Street Social, Hedone, Alyn Williams) and elsewhere (Fraiche, Sportsman, The Pass, SaQuaNa, Grenouillere)

Lowlight:

1) Failing to pass L5 in pole, which was my only resolution for the year. Fail!

Okay, time for bed ahead of the first day of work tomorrow. *grumbles*

2012 resolutions / aims / targets will have to wait for another day then. Beddy byes, and happy 2012. May it be a really fun and exciting year and bring more wisdom and fresh, new and enjoyable experiences to all!

Barré / pole

08 Thursday Dec 2011

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I’ve managed to find an absolute beginner ballet class on Sunday afternoons, at Central School of Ballet. But the first lesson I’ll be able to attend is in January 2012. I’m looking forward to that. Let’s hope I don’t get too addicted.

It’s funny how I started pole partially because I wanted to improve my climbing, and totally got addicted to pole, such that my climbing now takes a back-seat compared to my pole training. And now I’m intending to take up ballet to improve my pole (improve grace, flexibility, stamina, core strength) – I hope I don’t end up relegating pole!

Although, having said that, it’s probably easier to continue ballet for a longer time, up to an older age, than pole, because it probably requires less brute strength and is probably less taxing on the joints. But I won’t know for sure until I try it out.

In the meanwhile, I’m getting quite discouraged and bummed out about pole. I was really hoping I would be able to pass Level 5 by the end of 2012. But now, this looks like it’s unlikely to happen: my climb eagles seem to have flown away, cat ripples (a.k.a. ‘caterpillar’ to others) seem more like squirming worms since I’m struggling to get my bum off the pole and push it backwards and upwards, struggling with starfish into superman, haven’t strung together or practised 3 of the 4 required assessment combos in a long long time (if ever), and in particular I seem to have lost my bow & arrow and pencil (both pencil mount and hangback into pencil).

So I’m thinking, even if I pass, this will be very much a scrape-through, barely-there type of pass, which isn’t great, and probably not that safe to be training on the next level. On the other hand, I’m probably not going to be able to train at the next level in regular class anyway, so it probably doesn’t matter whether I scrape through or not, since I’ll be continuing my training privately and safely. But still, I’d like to be officially assessed and passed by the founder and principal instructor of the school – it feels like it’s more valid somehow, although my private instructor / teacher N is really lovely and strict too. And if I sign up for regular class next year, it will be N who assesses me. Which is probably good because she has better visibility on my ability, but at the same time, the wannabe teacher’s-pet in me wants a stamp of approval from E, the principal instructor. Childish, I know.

I’m wondering if I should try to push through anyway, and get N to coach me on the assessment combos this weekend, or if I should just continue with my longer term training plan, which will strengthen me anyway and be useful for my would-be performance sometime next year (i.e. I would like to perform a choreographed routine, ideally with a partner – less embarrassing and daunting – otherwise solo).

I guess I’ll see how I feel on the day itself. I’m probably especially bummed out today because I’m a bit tired, and achy (left calf aching), and my left shoulder hurts.. it feels a bit messed up, like I put too much pressure on it. I was really quite rubbish at ‘Handstand 4’ during my Wednesday class (way to go, descriptive handstand name! It’s the one from an inside angel going into splits) – I kept sliding down in my inside angel, and it was a pain because I was stuck on a faraway pole with no access to mirrors. Need to really book a good pole in future! Hopefully my shoulder recovers in time for class on Sunday. On the other hand, I’m also really happy that I was practically doing front/back splits on both sides (left and right legs) on Tuesday in my other school’s ‘booty class’ – it was the closest I’ve ever been to being completely flat on the ground, probably because Ed completely exhausted all my leg / butt / hip muscles, which gave up on trying to fight the split and just allowed me to slip all the way down to the floor. It’s a real shame I don’t have pictures.

Anyway, tomorrow will be a better day, I hope!

Inverted pear shape

06 Tuesday Dec 2011

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I read somewhere that one ‘rule of thumb’ to determine whether your body shape is pear-shaped is as follows: if you measure your shoulder width and your hip width (the widest part of your hip, ie. the widest part of your butt), and your hip width is wider than your shoulder width, then you are pear-shaped.

So I got the Boy to measure it for me:
- shoulder (eye-balling the width): 35cm
- hip (eye-balling the width): 31cm
- shoulder (following the perimeter): 42cm
- hip (following the perimeter): 40cm

Conclusion: I’m not pear-shaped! YAYYYYY!!!!

“You’re inverted pear-shaped!” says the Boy.

My third type of crazy

06 Tuesday Dec 2011

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Because I’m pole-obsessed, I’ve been: i) reading pole blogs, which have also led me to other dance-related blogs, including adultbeginner, which is hilarious, inspiring (despite starting ballet at the age of 32, she has managed to go en pointe!!), and has reawakened the unfulfilled ballerina in me (more on that some other post), ii) yearning to perform, perhaps in my school’s next showcase. And I’d like to have a stronger core to progress more in my moves, exercise more to gain overall strength (recognising that I can’t pole every day because my body needs a day of rest between each day of ‘resistance’ work), and I’d like to be more flexible and to achieve my splits… all of which ballet can help accomplish.

Pole has changed my body shape – I definitely have more of an inverted triangle shape now. Previously, I had fairly narrow, sloping shoulders, and no real waist… so I had a somewhat cyclindrical / rectangular body shape (ie. basically shapeless). Now, my shoulders are broader, sharper, my upper back muscles have developed, by extension, emphasising the relative narrowness of my waist / lower-back. True, my shape is more masculine than feminine – people at work have commented: ‘wow, your shoulders are quite developed – you work out a lot huh’ – but I’m reasonably happy with my shape, because it’s the result of strength, and the result of my secret ‘superhero’ alter-ego gravity-defying self. My little secret and inner light that gives me a bounce in my step – I know something that others do not. By day I’m a boring banker, in my spare time, I can do stuff that the average person on the street can’t.

Nonetheless, I don’t want to bulk up too much. As it is, the Boy often teases me and says I have the physique of an All Black (‘you look like Jonah Lomu’), Rafael Nadal or a cage-fighter. Any bulky muscles I develop will push my fats further out, making me look chunkier, unless I lose a lot of fat, which isn’t going to happen because I don’t want to diet or change my food habits (I love my fatty Gold Mine roast duck, thank you very much). So the only way to gain strength and remain lean-looking is to stretch stretch stretch and elongate my muscles. This is what ballet excels at – creating long, lean, elongated muscles and a beautiful dancer’s body.

So, in summary, I want to try out adult ballet classes – to nurture my inner ballerina, to develop a beautiful dancer’s body, long graceful lines in my dance, achieve my splits etc. But it’s really difficult to find adult ballet classes at a time that works for me. Bummer. So I’m spending a lot of time researching and daydreaming.

The Boy is exasperated that I’m trying to pack even more stuff into my life. But I’ve promised him that I won’t be giving up more time. I’ll just be substituting my belly dance class time for ballet class time. My quota of dance forms is only two at any one time. The way I’ve substituted my French classes this Autumn term for driving lessons instead. So little time, so much to do. And so I continue to make my little trade-offs.

Summer of 2011

18 Sunday Sep 2011

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It’s been a long summer… the last weekend the Boy and I spent together alone at home was the weekend of 9th/10th of July, and then it was a series of weekends away for my birthday, anniversary, with friends visiting from Australia, visiting friends in Sweden… and all too soon it was 11th August, the date my parents landed in the UK and stayed with us for a month until 11th of September. During that period, the Boy and I slept on mattresses in our living room. It was a really stressful period and we were both stretched to our limit. Towards the end, I was close to my breaking point.

And so, just as the weather was turning colder, it seemed to me like summer had just begun, post my parents’ departure on 11th September.

I then promptly fell ill, through a mix of the changing weather and the stress of the past month.

But today, I’m very proud of myself, because I completed a 45-mile charity bike ride from Buckingham Palace to Windsor Castle (Palace to Palace bike ride ), in under 5-hours (started 6:58am, ended at 11:41am), despite no training and the fact that I’m just recovering from my cold. My quads, glutes and arms are aching, my knees are completely busted, and I’m exhausted. But still, I’m contented and on an adrenaline high.

Now that my bike has finally been unlocked (with the help of a locksmith to saw through my D-lock which keys I had lost), I feel pumped and feel like challenging myself with future bike trips / challenges. 100-mile ride, anyone?

Lode runner

26 Sunday Jun 2011

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i just found an app “Gold runner” which is just like the legendary Mac game “Lode runner” of yore. i’m so excited! it was the first and only game we ever had at home apart from the crapy windows pre-installed games like solitaire.

i’m so excited!! :)

pole journey

26 Sunday Jun 2011

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i’ve been getting so obsessive about training that i’ve created an excel to track the my various exercise activities on a daily, weekly, rolling 4-week basis (this was several months back)
the total sums up the following activities: poling, climbing, pilates, belly dancing, stretching, tracy anderson workout, cardio
i don’t do all the activities every week of course – it’s just too much work.
for example, i haven’t climbed in several months, but that’s still on the agenda, once my climbing partners are back and i start spending weekends in london again (from mid july to the first week of september, i will be out of town all weekends bar one)

now, i’m going another step further. i’m going to create a pole blog / journal / diary, to note down the moves i’ve learnt, the moves i’ve practiced and the conditioning exercises i’ve done etc. i may include details on my other training (almost all of which i have started because i wanted my pole dancing to improve). my fellow poler-in-crime has a pretty physical pole journal (an unlined bound notebook). but i’ve decided to go digital because i may post some pictures too, just to see my progress ad hopefully cheer myself up. it’s easier to check my form when there’s a photo. and it will hopefully serve as a pick-me-up for me to see how far i’ve progressed on my pole journey when i’m feeling discouraged and stuck in a rut.

anyway, i’ve just installed the wordpress blog: eitoile.com/polejourney

Running from one falling star to another

30 Monday May 2011

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I love bank holiday weekends when I’m not going anywhere, and just chilling in London. I slept for 12 hours on saturday, only waking up at noon on Sunday. I never have that luxury on a normal 2-day weekend because I’m always trying to cram all of my life into a mere 48-hours, always “running from one falling star to another”, in the words of the immortal Jack Kerouac.

The Boy always says I’m all over the place. I lack focus. I want to do many things at the same time. I’m always rushing from one place to another.

I don’t deny his assessment. But I have only one life, and so many things I want to do and try. I’m always in a panic because I’m feel like I’m running out of time to chase my dreams, to try things, to achieve something, even if it’s something small. I want to pursue some interests and be good at it, even if it’s very micro and meaningless in the grand scheme of life. I want to be good at some things just for me.

Starting last year, I’ve decided that my late 20s and 30s will be the era of physical pursuits. I started pole dancing just about a year ago. And a year on, I’m still obsessed about it: on holidays I worry about losing my strength and either exercise on holiday or visualise myself executing the tricks, I obsess about my tricks and how to gain strength to execute them before I sleep and at work, I’ve signed up for pilates in the mornings to strengthen my core, I try to do conditioning exercises whenever I can, and I’ve just started a “splits in 6 weeks” stretching programme.

After a sedentary life, I’ve suddenly discovered a “sport”-like physical activity that I really want to excel at, and I’m beginning to really try to achieve things which I never really bothered with when I was young, even though my body was clearly better-equipped then, things like: trying to achieve splits (front/back and box splits), gain arm and core strength and increase overall flexibility.

I’ve also signed up for belly dancing classes after having talked about if with my old classmate D since I was in secondary school (partially motivated my dismally unsexy body wave on the pole). I’m finding even belly dancing very physically challenging – I find shimmies, the most basic of moves, difficult to do and sustain, and many moves require isolation of different abdominal muscles. I feel among the worst girls in my class, probably because I don’t practice at home, whereas I think most of the girls do. I have the option to perform at the end-of-term showcase and I’m wondering whether I should: on one hand I don’t want to embarrass myself; on the other hand, I don’t know anyone else in the audience, and the Boy knows how crap I am but still has to be supportive ;p – so there’s no real downside right?

I found it both amusing and amazing that I found myself sewing the ends of elastic bands onto my split sole ballet shoes (for belly dancing) this weekend. Amusing and amazing because I barely sew anyway, and who would’ve thought that at this age, I was not only learning something new, but also sewing ballet shoes, which is something I would never have imagined doing at this age, since ballet is usually for younger girls and that boat had sailed (although there is such a thing as adult ballet classes, and even though my ballet shoes was not used for the purposes of ballet).

But anyway, all good things come to an end, even this lovely bank holiday weekend. So i need to head to bed for some shut eye, and an annoying work week ahead.