e*toile

I am so good at my work!

There are some days when I feel really proud of myself, of how productive I can be, the quality of my work, like these past couple of days.

Yesterday I managed to check/finalise a book for printing last night while leaving at a relatively decent time of 11pm while spending most of day helping my friend review and revise his Business school application essays (and I’m still very impressed with my bullsh!ting skills, after all these years), and also managed to squeeze in some work on a personal project.

Today, in the course of one day, I have: refined my work on personal project, tanked a restaurant on a review website,drafted some CSS code, helped my friend iterate his application essays until he submitted it at 11pm, completed a tedious benchmarking exercise (finally, a work project!) with an admirable degree of professionalism and thoroughness (this should be a piece of exercise for my junior but he is on holiday) and drafted excellent points to advance our position on the work project.

It’s days like these when I feel like I am on a hill at the top of the world. I feel like a force of nature, a one-woman powerhouse, a superhero wonder woman! And I’m so impressed with myself, that I truly wonder why others don’t appreciate my ability and talent - my seniors/colleagues (I’m not top-rated),potential employers (the company who rejected my application but had employed the lame back-stabber instead), my Ex-boyfriend… It’s days like these, when I feel energised and excited, that I actually know, that I can do anything, and everything, that I set my mind to. I could, to quote J, build a rocket to the moon if I wanted to. The only problem is that I have very few of these days, when I’m all excited and a-buzz and blazing through my to-dos like Usain Bolt on fire. Most of the time, I’m just generally bored by work and life and quite contented to chill out and avoid mental exertion.

I should really find something that I’m passionate about, and enjoy doing, so I’m energised and happily buzzing all the time!

I just found out from that wonderful social newswire, Facebook, that my Ex, the first love Ex (MTB) is getting married over Easter weekend. It’s unexpected (he had told me before that he was supposed to get married after the age of 30, according to a fortune-teller) and depressing (if he’s marrying the not-even-b!tch - he deserves so much better). Wow… I can’t believe he’s decided to do it. That his mom has finally accepted a girl that is worthy of her boy, or that the not-even-b!tch’s mom is open minded enough to let her over-protected previous daughter out of the country, perhaps permanently in Vietnam?

In other news, my life’s a bit of a mess. I didn’t get the job that I was applying for. So now I’m stuck… kind of caught between a rock and a hard place. Hating my job, wanting to go to Africa or maybe move to Paris in pursuit of a sudden opportunity, yet wanting to stay to get naturalised and needing a job to pay the bills in the meanwhile. The best thing would be for me to stick it out another 15 months or so. It’s the most boring option, but even the Boy agrees it makes sense not to throw away my 5 years of arduous waiting. But it seems to painful to bear. Like pulling out my finger nails, one by one.

Also, trying to get restarted on my path to computer literacy. Wondering if I should start with Perl, Java, or PHP…