Been a long, draining week.

When the kids asked me to explain, I used analogies to put it into a context they understand, and use “plain English”, which is something I sometimes have to do for one of work streams at work too.

I feel hammered because previous work and decisions are being attacked, and there is pressure to reverse / restate previously agreed facts. While I clearly didn’t agree with all decisions that had been previously made, I had defended it then, on the basis that the decision had received collective input from the management team and Board. And now I’m being pressured to support the change of the official opinion from black to white, and I’m just not doing that. I don’t believe it is the right thing, I don’t think it’s ethical, and I don’t believe in throwing people under the bus because it’s convenient for me. I am actually very uncomfortable with the situation and my new “boss”.

I defended the decision then, even though it was a brave decision then. Now in hindsight, which is 20/20, I am being pressured to say that decision was wrong. But most other people who had provided input are now gone. I don’t know if I am then going to be left carrying the can. I think there are definitely people / “peers” in my team who would love that. But I didn’t benefit from the decision then – I didn’t get any rewards, I didn’t get more money, I didn’t get to hire anyone, I didn’t get a promotion – unlike LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE. So I don’t want to be blamed for this, I don’t want to get fired for this, and I’m certainly not going to prison for this! (To be fair no one has raised the prospect of prison at all, but the level of questioning and investigation makes it feel like there is the loose allegation of fraud. And I’m particularly offended because I deliberately ensured everything I did was as above board and defendable as it could be, given conflicting demands and preference, and the difficult position I was in)