It’s been a surprisingly long and brutal work week. My low energy and absolute lack of motivation last week meant I delayed everything to this week (and also because I had to dependencies on other deliverables before I could start my work). And so I churned out a good enough business case in ~24 hours, after I got the remaining inputs I needed Tuesday lunch time, despite numbers which were all over the the shop, and a real lack of information and cooperation. I finally slept at around 02:30 on Wednesday, having written the paper in about 12 hours, ahead of a Wednesday a call at 17:30. And then yet another quick turnaround with the right stakeholders this time, for a 07:00 call on Friday – yes, on a school run morning. I guess it’s good to know that I can still pull a rabbit out of the hat when I need to??
But it feels particularly pointless and tedious when I’ve already made the decision to leave. Kind of makes me wish I had resigned earlier, before this mad rush for next Board meeting in July. I finally shared with my team this week that I’ve gotten a job offer and will be leaving, so they can also start planning ahead of where and how they want to land in the org after I’m gone, and I will try to settle them, when I give notice and resign.
I was telling one of my team members that part of the reason why I want to delay my resignation is because I want to know my performance rating for this cycle. I’m really convinced I’ll get a shitty rating and be put on a PiP. She was really surprised, and said, “Nah, not you. Why you do think that? FZ (the CEO) likes you.” And I said, first, it’s because I got a shitty review last cycle despite completing the company’s first acquisition, and secondly, it’s because I don’t have a real job. All the work I can, would like to, and should do, has been taken from me, and when others have left, their scope was also assigned to others – really not a good sign. Right now, as far as I can see, my only responsibilities are to write short papers on the market 4x a year, and to write quarterly Investor newsletters 4x a year. And yes I am also helping on a few small projects / workflows a year, and technically oversee a couple of areas (but which has specific people focussed on those). That is not a real job. Definitely not a full time job. I mean, I would make myself redundant if I were management. KG said that it’s as if my boss / management feel like they can’t fire me, so they give me a bullshit job. So true.
I celebrated F’s 9th birthday this Thursday, in advance of his real birthday next week, which he is spending with his dad. I asked him what he preferred, to celebrate early or late, and he wanted to celebrate early. I also asked him what he wanted for this birthday. He said, “No books” (like that’s EVER going to happen with me!), didn’t want any toys either, although said he would like a deck of poker cards when I pressed (“Are you really sure you don’t want any toys or games??”); and what really wanted were snacks, like the Taiwanese snacks that Sydney, his previous pick-up nanny used to buy for him. I was a bit worried about him not wanting toys or games; I wondered if he was worried about financial constraints. But when I asked, he said no, he’s not worried about money, but he has enough toys. That’s so sensible of him! To be fair, I think it’s kind of true that he probably has enough toys. Historically, we’ve bought him ‘modular’ toys, where we can add to his collection over time – Duplo / Lego, wooden train sets, MagnaTiles… but returns are diminishing on adding to the sets now I think. Probably the work I’ve been asking him to do on tidying / decluttering has made him realise how few things he wants or needs?






I finished watching Season 3 of “Ginny & Georgia” this week. A great quote from one of the Ginny & Georgia episodes, “Love is always sticking around, even when things get hard.” I love Georgia’s grit and determination, and all she did and does to survive, and for her children. I think women, and mothers, can be so incredible sometimes. I have always been so impressed by the women in my family. All of them had faced a lot of challenges, had pretty difficult lives, and they were all so strong.