Today is Mother’s Day in the UK. Because UK, Malaysia and France all have different Mother’s Day, one might think that I’m super fortunate and celebrate Mother’s Day three times each year. Instead, the irony is that I never celebrate Mother’s Day at all. Today, the first (and only person) to wish me Happy Mother’s Day was a guy on Tinder who has two daughters. [Note: I don’t count my kids begrudgingly wishing me Happy Mother’s Day after I snapped at them]

This morning, I went out climbing with my cousin and her husband. Earlier in the week, she had asked me if I wanted to go climbing this weekend. I said I was feeling extra low this week and wasn’t sure I could drag myself out, and besides, I always spend weekends with the kids. She countered that that is all the more reason that I should come climbing with them, and Mother’s Day is a good day to have some personal time (it was only then that I realised that it was Mother’s Day in the UK today).

Since the kids have been born, I don’t think I’ve really spent much time away from the kids unless it was driven by work. For a short period of time between 2014-2018, I used to travel a bit more for work; and then it virtually stopped, except for occasional ad hoc trips at my current place (since 2021). I don’t think I’ve ever really done weekend trips or trips away without the kids, either just AJ and I, or with friends. 

When the kids were younger, it was because they were young. When they were older, part of it might have been habit, part of it might have been because I didn’t really have “girl friends” I hung out with. Firstly because I’m a bit anti social; secondly, because everyone is busy with their own lives and their own schedules – and the kids also have a busy schedule; and thirdly, because I also felt I couldn’t open up and talk about a lot of things, as I said. And so I ended up mostly talking to people at work who I got along with – largely about work, but sometimes also about non-work stuff.

On reflection, I think the lack of “me” time for self-care over the years has been detrimental. But it’s not something I really consciously thought about or realised was missing. I never really felt like I sacrificed too much for the kids. Maybe because I was still working and trying to make headway in my career (to no avail). But between work and family / the kids, there was not a lot left in the tank for anything else.

The climbing today was nice. While I didn’t do that much climbing although I tried a couple of intro-level vertical routes, and several traverse routes), it was nice to have a bit of “me” time. And even getting to the climbing was a bit of an adventure, crossing less-visited and slightly dodgy parts of London. But now my arms really ache – so I guess despite not climbing that much, it was still a lot of effort for my level of fitness.