Very early on in our separation, the kids asked me if Papa and Mama would remarry, and I said there are no current plans for either of us to remarry. But we may or may not remarry at some point in the future. And I explained the probability and like potential permutations, and asked them if they were worried about anything, and they said no, they were just asking, and they seemed to be fine with my explanations.

I wondered how their views may not may not evolved over time, so last week I asked F if he thinks Mama or Papa are going to remarry, and he said “No”.

I asked, why do you think that?

He responded, because they will want their own kids and won’t want our kids (i.e. him and O).

And I was really happy that there was no question in his mind that we will prioritise them, and if there is any hint that they will not be accepted, both Papa and I will choose them. I am really glad that he is so assured and confident in our love for them.

This week, out of curiosity, to compare answers, I asked O if he thought Mama or Papa would remarry.

He replied “I don’t know.”

I asked how he would feel about about it “Happy, or sad, or not sure”.

He responded nonchalantly ”I don’t care, kit doesn’t matter to me”.

It’s quite interesting that this view and F’s are so different. Although I don’t know if O genuinely doesn’t care, or he is just saying that. But I didn’t want to probe to see if he realises the potential risks to him… because if he thinks there are no risks, I don’t want to create new and unnecessary gremlins. Maybe in his mind, in a different way from F, he assumes that if we remarry, we will remarry in a way that minimises impact on him. F assumes we will never find someone who will accept the kids, and maybe O assumes we will only remarry if we find someone who will accept the kids. Or maybe O thinks we should be free to choose, because it is our lives.