F commented to me earlier today, “You remember the little girl in the movie we watched – ‘We can be heroes’ – who has the power of drawing the future? Her power is so OP (“overpowered”)… because she can draw whatever she wants and it will come true. She can draw her mum and dad hugging and they will be happy again.”

In fact, I am not sure her powers work that way. But that wasn’t the most important part of what he said.

So I asked him, “Are you still sad that Mama and Papa are separated? Do you wish we were together?”

He nodded and said, “Yeah.”

And I followed up with, “But don’t we seem happier now?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know.”

I just hugged him and said, “I’m sorry Mama and Papa can’t be together.”

~~~

Just now I asked the boys why they don’t think I’m happier now. O just shrugged, “I don’t know.” F said, “Because you’re always angry”.

“Angrier than before?” I probed.

And F replied, “Yes. You’re always shouting. You shout more now than before.”

I suppose AJ often dealt more with them when we were together, so he was more shouty. Now I bear the full brunt of the chaos when they are with me, so I have to set the boundaries and limits, which unfortunately often means getting shouty. And it doesn’t help when I am stressed, upset, and my nerves are frayed. I’ve been feeling a bit like a shitty mum. Well apparently the kids have noticed.