A long, surprisingly tiring week, with a bunch of ups and downs, during which I didn’t sleep that much or that well.

Injury / Exercise Hiatus

I felt my right ankle and foot start hurting two Fridays ago, and continued running on it on Monday, but it hurt more, and I got a bad feeling, and kept getting these visions of my leg snapping in two, so I resolved to rest this week. I ended up barely exercising as I had F home for half term, so couldn’t go to the gym either. So I feel somewhat low energy and grumpy this week, which might have affected my sleep.

Dating

The boys and I were watching some episodes of Cobra Kai because it’s half term week, and at one point in one of the episodes, Johnny Lawrence overheard a man Miguel’s mum was dating say to his friends, “Way I see it, she’s good for a few bangs and then I’ll drop her. I mean, I’m not trying to be a dad to her kid or anything”, and he immediately hits on the next girl who passes by.

The boys were took this in with a bit of a blank / puzzled look. I don’t think they really understood it. So I just commented briefly, “Yeah, a lot of guys can be pretty shitty, and so it’s difficult to date or meet good guys especially when you have kids.” I don’t want to normalise men’s poor behaviour / attitude, nor do I want to catastrophise the situation. But it’s not like this is new news to the boys, as F had blithely concluded that I’m not going to remarry a while back.

Damp

Noticed some wet patches and peeling paint on the walls of my bedroom. I’m generally quite oblivious, but I’m pretty sure these have developed recently, and look suspiciously like damp. I sent the pictures to a few friends who confirmed my fears. Great, more problems. So I texted my external builder, and he asked me draw a circle around it to see if it expands, and how quickly it expands over time. He’ll come in and take a look at some point.

Admin & Bills

Since Thursday was a public holiday in most of Europe, it was quiet at work, I finally went through the mail and bills that had been piling up since February / March. I have a slight fear of mail. It’s never good news – it’s always bills, or some kind of negative official notice it seems. I also took the opportunity to finally set up utilities bills for the home in my name, and set up new accounts for them, since most of the bills were in AJ’s name before. It was such a relief to finally get it over and done with. The pile of mail had been looming at the back of my mind, and causing a level of fear and dread. It feels like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I really should procrastinate less. The reality is probably never as bad as the gremlins.

Music & Math

Went to Zone 4 for violin rehearsal with his piano accompanist for O’s Suzuki Book 6 graduation piece, La Folia. I hadn’t been to his previous rehearsal, and so didn’t quite realise the areas he had to work on. I’m really impressed at the impact good accompanists have on the playing, having seen how the this accompanist, and his Bryanston accompanist, work with O. There’s the focus on the rhythm, counting, dynamics etc. Just brilliant.

We went to GoldMine for dinner, and O made me work on some of his Junior Kangaroo math problems, which were close to (but slightly easier) the Sec 1 ASEAN Scholar math exam, except with multiple choice rather than having to work out the full problems. O was like, “It’s difficult right?” The math problems gave me a headache because I’m not strong at math, and just having to concentrate and focus my brain after a long day, was really tiring. But I managed to solve a few which he said was “very difficult / very long to work out”, and so I tried to explain to him that it’s not really difficult. It’s about logic, pattern recognition, using deduction and some tricks / shortcuts to eliminate some clearly wrong answers, and in some case, it’s about just understanding the vocabulary words (because he usually does math in French rather than English).

At first, O was really cross, and refused to listen to me. I think he felt like I was belittling his efforts, and achievements. But I doggedly pushed on, and insisted that he listen to my side. And I said that I understand that the questions seem difficult for him now, but I really don’t want him to think of it as “difficult”, because I know that it shouldn’t, and wouldn’t be difficult for him, once he know the vocabulary, understands the logic / methods, and has more pattern recognition. I said that in terms of pure mathematical ability (especially mental math), he is clearly stronger than me, so if I am able to solve the problems, and quite quickly, it’s definitely not a mathematical ability issue. Rather it’s about logic, and pattern recognition, because some times I can quite quickly figure out that the answer is between two choices, without using any math at all, but using logical deduction, and / or instinct, which I can’t entirely explain… but must stem from pattern recognition, because I’ve just done a lot more math problems / puzzles in my life to date, than he has so far.

I think I eventually got my point across, he eventually heard me. Probably because he felt validated, because I buttered / built him up, by reminding him that his math is better than mine. And I’m basically saying that I have absolute confidence in him that he will get better at this very quickly, with a little bit of help and practice. The simple words “ it’s not difficult” was interpreted by him initially to mean that it is easy and he is a ‘loser’ for not being able to do it, but I meant it as it’s not difficult because he will quickly get the hang of it and ace it with a just a bit of learning and practice. It’s all in the framing, and the key takeaways are worlds apart.

He said the two kids who did better than him at the recent Concours Kangourou, did extra math lessons outside of school, and his math teacher wanted him to take extra lessons too. I asked him if he wanted to do it, but he didn’t want to.

All Clear

In a bizarre, and totally unexpected – but very welcome! – plot twist, I had been informed a couple of weeks back that “new developments” meant that that I would be getting an offer after all, for the job I had interviewed at length, and initially been passed over for. Nonetheless, I had to speak to another senior person, and get reference checked after I had received the offer. I only received the formal all clear / confirmation that I had passed my reference checks this Friday, which was a relief.

In particular, I was keen on getting feedback from the conversation with the senior person from the investor, because I was perhaps too honest, direct, and too “me” in the way I responded to his questions, which, depending on interpretation, could be perceived negatively, or positively.

Like my legendary ASEAN Scholar interview, where one of the interview panel (Sister Anne) asked me something along the lines of the following, “Will you study hard and do well in school if we award you the scholarship?”, and I said, “I will, if I find school and the work interesting.” And she followed up with, “And what if you don’t find it interesting?” I just replied earnestly, “I’ll try to find it interesting!” Classic.

It was totally risky, because they could have easily binned me. It would probably have been easier to for a safe, standard answer of being ambitious, and promising to work hard to achieve all ‘A’s. But interesting, not true, and not me. I only put energy in when I am engaged. I can’t promise that I will engaged, or interested. But I can promise I will try, and I will try.

I had some concerns and worries over the mode of logistics of resigning etc, but I chatted to a few people over the weekend, and think I’ve resolved it.

Shucked

Watched a quirky, and corny musical about corn at Regent’s Park Open Air theatre. An American colleague was visiting London from the Netherlands, and so I bought a cheap ticket and joined her. I’m so glad I did. Despite the seemingly absurd title / premise, it was actually funny, and fun, and totally suited to the outdoor theatre venue. A snippet from one of the scenes here.

When I was chatting with my colleague over pre-theatre dinner, and I was so enthused about Hyrox, she commented that I seem to be a very passionate person, and asked me what my hobbies where / what I was energised about before, since I had only taken up Hyrox recently.

In the moment, I felt momentarily lost for words, as I could barely remember my pre-kid days. I said that in theory I used to like the arts, watching plays and musicals, which is why I decided to join her on a whim. Before watching “Much Ado About Nothing” with CJ recently, and “Guys and Dolls” with HV in 2023, I’m not sure I had watched a play, or musical, in years. Possibly since O was born?? Although I know I watched a modern dance interpretation of “Romeo & Juliet” at Saddlers Wells by Matthew Bourne, I want to say, at some point in the last 14 years.

How to Keep House While Drowning

A childhood friend of mine reminded me to take care of myself, and mentioned a book she had read “How to Keep House While Drowning”. She had mentioned the book before, so I decided to download it out of curiosity, and started reading it. So far, it makes some really good points, some of which I had already instinctively realised / some, some not. For example, “When you view care tasks as moral, the motivation for completing them is often shame. If you are completing care tasks from a motivation of shame, you are probably also relaxing in shame too – because care tasks never end and you view rest as a reward for good boys and girls.”

Some good highlights thus far:

• Care tasks are morally neutral. Being good or bad at them has nothing to do with being a good person, man, woman, spouse, friend. Literally nothing. You are not a failture because you can’t keep up with laundry. Laundry is morally neutral.
• Care tasks as a kindness to our future self. Next time you are trying to talk yourself into doing a care task, what would it be like to replace the voice that says, “Ugh, I should really go clean my house right now because it’s a disaster,” with “It would be such a kindness to future me if I were to get up right now and do _. That task will allow me to experience comfort, convenience, and pleasure later.”
• My friend and I are simply strength-oriented and stuck in different ways, with no discernable reason to which we can point.

Social Weekend

I had an unexpectedly social weekend. On Saturday,, ‘Aunty M’ invited me to a dim sum with her friends, so we made the long hike to Croydon for dim sum again. Then met up with SY for our customary China Town dinner + dessert. Cousin sis J was back in town, so we met up on Sunday for lunch at a Sichuan noodle place, then went visiting / browsing art galleries in Mayfair. It was kind of fun – it’s like going to free art exhibitions for established and up and coming contemporary artists.